I’m Almost Back

I think I am kind of over being sick.  I’ll probably be sniffling and coughing for another week or two, but I can deal with that.  The backache is gone thanks, I think, to a different chair at my desk.

 

I have not been out to my studio for over a week, so nothing new there.  I did have a couple of ideas for page layouts I jotted down.  Maybe I can muster up some energy to get back to creating.

 

Zoo Job

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo’s most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off.

He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it’s a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion’s cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.

The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, “Help me, help me!”, but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, “Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?“

 

Well it has been an interesting week here.

We had a graduation/birthday party here on Saturday for our grand daughter, complete with in-laws, outlaws, and assorted others.

Sunday was, as I’m sure you know, Fathers Day.  It completely slipped my mind, like most stuff does any more.  The Queen took me to breakfast, then out to a demo Stampin’ In The Rain about soldering.  I’m going to give it a try.  Then home to watch Tiger Woods amaze the golfing world once again.  And of course the phone calls from the kids.

I have had a nagging backache for about 3 weeks, it just aches for a while and then goes away.  Now I have a cold or the flu so I haven’t even gone out to the studio.  I have been visiting the forums just to keep tabs on everybody.

I got this off one of the forums I think, and it needs to be passed along;

Top excuses if you are caught sleeping at your desk…

·       They told me at the blood bank this might happen.

·       This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last Time Management course you sent me to.

·       Whew! Guess I left the top off the Liquid Paper.

·       I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!

·       This is one of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People!

·       I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.

·       Actually I’m developing a “Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan” (SLEEP).

·       I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.

·       Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.

·       The coffee machine is broken.

·       Gee, someone must’ve put decaf in the wrong pot.

·       Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won’t wear off!

·       Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!

·       I wasn’t sleeping, I was trying to pick up a contact lens without my hands.

·       Amen.

Pizza Box

We went out to dinner the other night for pizza at a place called The Pizza Bank.  It used to be a bank, and then it became a pizza joint.  Actually, it’s better than a “joint”.  They serve great food and they are very busy.  The wife and I usually have early dinner, around 4:30 or so, so we are usually ahead of the crowd whenever we go out.  We generally eat out 6 times a month; we used to eat out 4 or 5 times a week.

Anyhow, I ordered a large pizza and ate 3 pieces then got a to-go box.  Berla put the pizza into zip bags, and was about to toss the box in the yard waste, but I rescued it.  I took it out to my studio and after 2 days here, it is.

A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife.
“Fetch the Bible,” he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner.
“Now find Psalm 23,” he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog.
That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed.
One man asked, “Can he do regular dog tricks, too?” “I haven’t tried yet,” the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. “HEEL!” the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor’s forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, “Good Lord…he’s PENTECOSTAL! 

 

Friends Are Great

My friend Cathy (mamasheg) and daughter Nika came by to visit my studio, show me her Stampin’ Up product, and helped me with my blog and resizing pictures in Photoshop. 

 

My friend Sandy (Sassy) is down again with a tumor in her appendices and is in need of prayers.  We have never met, but have been scrap friends for almost three years.  She is a very talented woman. 

 

I went garage saleing last weekend and scored a lazy susan which will work very well in my studio.  I have a glass mat that will fit and a board to cover it for paint and/or assembly.

 

Boy do I miss this…..

Accident report by a helpless Dad.

The following accident reports were filed in conjunction with an automobile collision in which my two daughters somehow managed to run into each other in their own driveway. Both of my vehicles sustained damage.

Older Daughter Report: It wasn’t my fault. I was backing out of the garage and she picked that minute to pull into the driveway. She hit me. Now I’m late and I promised Margi I’d meet her at the mall.

Younger Daughter Report: It wasn’t my fault. I was in the driveway and if she had been watching where she was going instead of putting on her makeup in the rear-view mirror this would never have happened. I tried to steer around her but then I would have hit Dad’s bike, so which was better, hitting the bike or the minivan?

Older Daughter Report: Well you took my makeup from the bathroom which is why I had to use some that I had in the minivan. And anyway I hate driving the minivan. If you had come back on time like you were supposed to this never would have happened, because I would have taken the Jimmy instead.

Younger Report: Well but this Jimmy is falling apart. It has almost 200,000 miles on it and is all rusty. I am really embarrassed to be seen in it. Maybe we should take this as a sign from God that we need a new car.

Older Daughter: Yeah, why don’t we get a new car?

Officer Dad Report: Why on earth would I invest in a new car when you two can’t even get out of the driveway without smashing up the ones we have? And the accident report fails to explain the damage to the garage freezer, which now looks like it was dropped from a building, and to my bicycle, which has a rear tire bent like a yoga instructor.

Older: I find this whole thing very insulting.

Younger: Well look, I told you that I had a choice between hitting the minivan and the bike, didn’t I? So after the first time we hit, I had to do something.

Officer Dad Report: Are you telling me you ran into each other TWICE?

Older: Well because like an idiot she kept going!

Younger: Well what was I supposed to do, she started backing out of the garage again!

Older: Well after I ran into the freezer I had to back up, didn’t I?

Officer Dad: Why did you run into the freezer?

Older: Well because she ran into the back of the minivan, duh!

Younger: I did NOT run into the back of the minivan, she ran into me!

Officer Dad: And then you ran over my bicycle.

Younger: I was taking evasive action because you were still driving like a maniac and putting on your makeup!

Older: No, I was the one who had to be evasive and run into the freezer, or you would have smashed into me again!

Younger: That’s stupid, why would I run into you a second time?

Officer Dad: Especially when the bicycle made such an inviting target.

Older: Well, you DID run into me a second time, who knows why you do these things?

Younger: I’m not going to say anything more because you are being so stupid.

Older: YOU are the one being stupid.

Younger: You are stupid to infinity.

Older: You are stupid infinity plus two.

Officer Dad: So the sequence of events is, the minivan is backing out of the garage, the Jimmy is coming down the driveway, you run into each other, stop, the minivan runs into the freezer, stops, backs up, hits the Jimmy a second time, stops, and then the Jimmy runs into my bicycle. Does that cover it?

Younger: Except that she was putting on makeup.

Older: And I wasn’t moving the whole time.

Officer Dad: Except when you hit the freezer.

Older: Well duh, except for that.

Officer Dad: Okay, any questions before I ground you both until you are too old to drive?

Older: Yeah, so how am I supposed to get to the mall?

Younger: If we get a new car, can it be a Jeep?